Why We Don't Speak Up

Warning: This is about a highly sensitive topic.

I have been watching the news and following the Brett Kavanaugh situation very closely. I have thought about my own experiences as well. Seeing that he has been sworn in as a Supreme Court Justice infuriates me. It doesn't matter how long ago the alleged attack happened. He may have assaulted more women since that time and they may have not come forward. If there is a claim against someone, especially someone being considered for such a high position, that claim should be looked into and investigated. I do not feel like the case was taken seriously. Kavanaugh should have never been sworn in to a position with that much power.

I have never been sexually assaulted. I have been touched and groped inappropriately by boys and men. I have been catcalled and had inappropriate remarks made to me before I was even 16. I have been taken advantage of. I know how much these small acts have affected my life. I cannot begin to fathom how sexual assault has affected the victims. I am absolutely flabbergasted by the way this country has reacted to the #MeToo movement and the allegations that have been coming out about sexual assaults. There are a lot of men and boys that are good people. And then there are the ones who perpetrate this behavior and laugh in the face of victims. 

The people who have come out with their stories and shared their experiences are the bravest people in this country. The victims who have experienced any sort of assault are the bravest people in this country. The perpetrators and those who have committed these heinous acts are the biggest cowards. I can only hope that the men and women in this country can come together and count on each other. I can only hope and pray that those who think it is okay to violate another person will be punished to the full extent of the law. 

My heart is broken for this country. My heart is broken for those who have faced attacks and for those who felt they could not go on living because of these attacks. I stand with everyone who is a part of the #MeToo movement. I stand with all the women, men, girls, and boys who have been a victim of these awful attacks. 

This is why victims don't come forward. This is why attacks go unreported. Our own government and those in power can't even put their pride aside and stand for the victims. How can we trust our own country to stand up for us? This is why voting is so important. We have one month until we can make a shift in power. One month until we can vote in people who will stand for us. 

Controversial Parenting Topics

I will start this off by saying, I love to have debates. It fosters communication, learning, and growth. With that said, I don't agree with people attacking other people because of their choices and decisions. Having a civilized conversation is definitely the way to approach controversial topics. In parenting, there are many decisions to be made about how to raise baby. There is no right way to raise a child. Parents choose what is best for them, their baby, and their family.

#1 How to Give Birth

My take on this topic is that every woman will give birth how she feels is best. A woman has to choose the right way for her.

#2 Months vs Years

This one drives me nuts!! You won't hear me going around saying, "Oh my son is 27 months old!" Now that he is a year old, he will be referred to as being 1 year old.

#3 No Winning in Competition

My opinion is that we are doing our children no favors by saying every child is a winner. There is definitely nothing wrong with some healthy and fair competition. By giving everyone a winner's trophy, we are teaching our children that it doesn't matter if they fail or if they don't work hard, they will always be rewarded. That is wrong and not how real life works.

#4 Co-sleeping/bed sharing

Since the first week of his life, my husband and I have co-slept with our son. Some nights, having him in the bed with us was the only way that he would sleep! It is still that way with him sometimes. Many cultures have co-slept with their babies for centuries! I don't understand where all this, "co-sleeping increases SIDS" comes from. SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. There is no known cause for it. I have never worried or feared for my son's safety while he was sleeping with us. He also has slept in our room since birth (partly because we only have 1 bedroom) and I feel safer that way.

#5 Child Leashes

I fully intend to use a leash with my son. I see nothing wrong with this. We all know how much trouble a child can get into within seconds. With all the abductions and horrible things happening in this country, I won't take a chance that my son could be taken from me.

#6 Feeding

Again, all I will say here is that it is up to the mom's discretion. No mom should ever be attacked or ashamed for how she chooses to feed her baby.

#7 Medication for Illnesses

We have been giving our son Tylenol to help him sleep while teething, and it has been a lifesaver! To each their own, but I would rather help my son out when he is in pain.

#8 Spanking and Discipline

I will use spanking for severe punishments and time outs with my children. Yes, I will explain to them why they are in trouble and what they did, but with every action comes consequence. Children are not learning these lessons, and as a result, they are doing whatever they please without any thought of the consequences that can follow.

#9 Electronics

CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HAVE THEIR OWN iPADS, TVS, AND COMPUTERS!! Yes, my son will watch his Wiggles and Puppy Dog Pals but he does not sit in front of a tv all day. Yes, we let him have our phones sometimes, but his biggest draw to it is he likes to press the button and make the baby's face appear. My children will not have their own electronics. I don't even plan to get them phones until they can pay for them on their own. This may be an unpopular decision, but having the internet and social media at their fingers at all times is seriously detrimental to their development and social relationships.

#10 Pacifiers

My son could not take or use a pacifier for the first 4 months of his life. He had no help in soothing. When he finally could take pacifiers, it was a lifesaver! Luckily, he is the type of baby that can do without one, but finds comfort in it when offered. I think pacifiers are a great tool for babies (provided they are weaned from them when they start getting all their teeth and talking). Honestly, it will be harder to wean my son off his bottle.

Authority in the Classroom; The Teacher and...The Cellphone?

Nowadays, it seems that the Smartphone has overtaken life. It is a tool, a toy, and a distraction. The one place where the Smartphone shouldn't be a focus is in the classroom. Sadly, this is not the reality. Schools have been adapting their policies to give students more opportunities to use their phones during the school day. It is becoming an increasing battle of attention between the teacher and the students' phones.

Now, it's not just smartphones that have become a problem. It's technology in general. Laptops and Chromebooks have become the sole source for working. Many junior highs and high schools have all the classroom and homework done on a computer and emailed to the teacher. Pencils and paper are quickly becoming obsolete. This is frustrating, because there are many studies that prove writing things down on paper commits the information to memory better than typing it!! How are we as educators supposed to help students learn important information if we aren't giving them the best chance? For me, the most frustrating part of my day is when a student cannot figure out how to use a book to find the information they need. They rely solely on Google to give them all their answers.

Schools need to start realizing the implications of allowing technology, and especially cellphones, to take over the school. Bullying online is happening during the school day, students aren't paying attention in class, and they are accessing inappropriate material. Even with web restrictions set by the administration, the students can still find a way to bypass it or find an alternative. Schools are allowing the students to be in control when they give them this much power.

Technology does have the opportunity to be an important supplementary tool. Smartboards, computers, and table iPads are all great tools that can help a student's learning. But the problem comes when they are only using technology to learn.

What are your thoughts about technology in the classroom? Should it be restricted or should students, as young as second graders, be allowed to have free reign of their phones and the computers in the classroom?

All for One and One for... One?

I have a presence on most forms of social media. The two I am on the most is Twitter and Facebook. Lately, on both, I have been seeing so many moms tearing down other moms for their choices. It doesn't even matter what the choice or decision is; there will always be someone who judges you. There has been the breastfeeding/formula feeding, co-sleeping, baby led weaning, technology, and so many other debates! 

Why do women, especially moms, think it is okay to tear down another mom based on her decisions for her child? It's okay to have an opinion and voice that opinion respectfully, but it is never okay to attack or shame another woman or mother for her choice. We as women already have so many judgements and hate placed upon us, from our clothing choices to our hair styles and our bodies. Why make things worse for others? As women and mothers, we should be respecting our fellow women. It does no good to tear someone down just for the enjoyment of hurting someone. Both mothers and non-mothers are culprits of this! If you aren't a mother, there's nothing wrong with that! But do not judge another woman's decision about her child. The lines get blurrier after you have the responsibility of caring for and protecting a human child. Mothers need to build up and support other mothers! This world can be so cruel and we all need a little love.

My plea to women everywhere is this: Be kind to your fellow woman. Pray for her, show her love, and support or encourage her in times of need. There is no need to be mean to someone for the sake of being mean. Whether it is in real life or on social media, the goal should be the same. Love your fellow humans and especially your fellow woman. 

Class is in Session!

Here we are in the midst of the third full week of school and I am on my 5th substitute teacher assignment. I must admit, it's pretty exciting and addicting to get that notification of a job opportunity. It is almost as addicting as accepting rides on Uber (my side/part time gig)! I am loving this teacher life! It feels good to be in a position of leadership! When that app notification comes through that a sub job is available, a rush of adrenaline courses over me! Keep those jobs coming! This girl is snagging them up and filling my calendar! If you need me, schedule a time with my planner! Spots are filling fast!

I am in the second round of my graduate classes. Included in this is 100 practicum hours :O Luckily, I can use my substitute hours to count for this! Unfortunately, I will have to do 100 more hours for the spring semester! I am still blown away with how the workload for a graduate class compares to the workload from undergrad! All I can picture is the taste of sweet freedom when I graduate May of 2020! It doesn't seem that far away, but there will be a lot of work ahead of me!

My tiny prince is almost one year old! 10 more days and I will officially have 2 toddlers (yes, Spirit counts as a toddler)! I am in shock of how fast this last year went! Little man is learning new things every day and pretty soon he will be walking. I am very excited for his birthday party. I get a whole weekend to celebrate this rainbow that blessed my and so many other people's lives. He is truly a miracle and I couldn't imagine my life without him!

The hunt for a house is still on! Somehow, there is a small beacon of light shining through very dark and thick clouds for us. We may have a saving grace! Please keep us in your prayers that everything will align and come into place for us to get a house by the holidays! My designer brain is going crazy with all the things I can do when I finally have a place to call my own! Of course, designing and decorating little man's bedroom will come first! I have been dreaming of what his room would look like since I found out about him!

This weekend is my husband and I's five year dating and two year wedding anniversary! How crazy is that??? Two years sure goes by fast when you are experiencing life with your best friend! I am so lucky that I got to marry my soulmate and my best friend! We will finally get to go out and have a fancy date night to celebrate this life we are building together!

If you've made it this far, thank you! I have a tendency to ramble, especially when I am excited! I hope there are more good things and blessings headed my way! Feel free to leave a note if there is a way I can pray for you!

In the words of my son's favorite show, "Happy wiggling!"

"Life Changes"

It has been quite a while since I have made a post. Thomas Rhett said it best with his song "Life Changes" and it has tremendously since March. My son is now almost 10 months old, I am in the midst of my graduate classes, and I am embarking on a new employment venture. As stated at the end of my last post, I will talk about the relationship between Spirit and his baby!

Lorcan has grown so much in the last 9 1/2 months. He is crawling, pulling himself up, eating food with little bits in it, finally drinking from a sippy cup, and is constantly on the move. I am loving this stage he is in. I love seeing his personality emerge. He is discovering independence, while still relying on mommy being there for him. He is exploring, he is learning how to move on his feet, and he is learning all about the world. He is also forming a special bond with his puppy brother, Spirit. The way that the two of them interact is so special and unique. Spirit is more laid back and protective of this little human than I have ever seen him. Spirit will let Lorcan pull his ears, pat him (harder than normal), put his hand in his mouth, and crawl over top of him. Spirit will walk behind Lorcan as Lorcan is crawling around the floor. Spirit even went so far as to growl at another puppy because they were too close to his baby. This is the relationship that I was excited for. Lorcan will have a lifelong best friend in Spirit.

I started my graduate classes at the beginning of June. I am doing them all online through Creighton University. I am pursuing a master's in School Counseling. Online classes are so much harder than I thought they would be! I had such a hard time in the very beginning with all the components associated with the classes. I think I have finally gotten the hang of it .... for now! The nice part is that these two summer classes are only 8 weeks long, and then I have 4 weeks off until the next set of classes begin. Coming up in the fall, I have to complete my first practicum; meaning I need to complete 100 hours in a classroom setting. Thankfully, I work in a school and that won't be hard to complete.

Speaking of working in a school... I am embarking on a new employment adventure! At the beginning of June, I took a substitute authorization class to become a substitute teacher! I am currently waiting on affirmation on my license so I can begin applying for districts and schools. If only I had known that I could be a substitute 2 years ago!! I am planning to be a full time substitute teacher and I cannot wait! I love being a teacher's aid, but there really is no money in it (as selfish as that sounds) and I need to be able to provide for my family! As of now, I'm still a teacher's aid until I know for sure that I received my substitute authorization license.

My husband and I are approaching our two year wedding anniversary. I cannot believe how fast these last two years have gone! Living life with your best friend is pretty amazing! I will admit that we have not been taking the time we need to foster our relationship like we should. It's hard having a baby and a toddler puppy! I also thought we would have bought our own house by now, but that too is sadly still a dream in my head. Even though we are not where I'd like to be, we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, our boys are taken care of, and we have spare change to indulge every now and then. I am so grateful for the life God has provided me with and I will continue to be happy with all I have been blessed with.

Life keeps getting more exciting and full. I cannot wait to see what happens in the next few months!

Momma Bear Has Come to Play

It's been five months since my son was born. I think I have finally found my momma bear self. I feel like I was born to be a mommy. With that said, I have not forgotten who I am.

Becoming a mom has been the single greatest accomplishment. As stated in my previous post, it has not been easy. I have been fighting with myself to overcome PPD. It has become so much easier to recognize when I need to step away from Lorcan. I am so very fortunate and blessed to have a husband who supports me every step of the way. He is there is take over and be "on" when I cannot. He is there to make sure I get my 1 on 1 time with Lorcan when I need it.

With that being said, I now have a new battle to fight; not being too overprotective around family. Now that I have my momma bear side, all I want to do is have Lorcan by my side 24/7. If he needs a diaper change, I want to do it. If he needs fed, I want to feed him. If he needs a nap, I want to be the one to put him down for one. It is so hard to share him with family. I want to stay at home with him or have him with me wherever I go. He's a total momma's boy and he has me wrapped around his little finger.

Even though Lorcan and Spirit are constantly on my mind, my husband and I have been so fortunate and blessed to have such amazing and involved family. We have been able to go out on dates and have had nights off. Lorcan has spent the night at both grandparents' houses  so we could have a little break. I have been able to still be me and my husband and I have been able to have time just being us. It has been so important for me and my marriage to have these opportunities where I can relax and do something for myself.

I hope to be able to blog more about my experience as a first time mom, how my boys are growing together, and about my family life. Stay tuned for the next blog, featuring Spirit and his baby brother!

PPD-The Silent Storm

To preface, this post isn't for attention. It is to make light to the very real fact that this is something that a lot of mothers experience.

PPD, or post-partum depression, is something that mothers can experience after having a baby. It can be expressed in a variety of forms and levels. Not every mother has the same experience. There is a big range on what a mother can feel or not feel.

I, for the most part, loved being pregnant. I had dreamed my whole life of the day when I would get to carry my own child. I had a whole picture of what life with my baby would be like. I had my whole labor and delivery planned out in my head. Up until the end, my pregnancy went the way I had planned.

The last two weeks of my pregnancy was when things took a turn. I was sent to Labor and Delivery 3 times for high blood pressure. The last time I was sent (Tuesday), right after a weekly appointment, I spent 4 hours there. I was finally told that I had preeclampsia and they wanted to admit me right then and there to be induced. I was furious. I still had a week and a half until I was full term. I convinced them to let me come back later that night.

I went home to get things prepared and to take care of Spirit. I had my mother come back with me. I was set on not being induced and I wanted my mother there to be my support. I was admitted and sent to a delivery room. The nurse was getting things prepped to start the induction. I told her that I didn't want to be induced and I wanted to go home. They had another nurse come in and convinced me to stay and be monitored overnight. I agreed and it was the most miserable night. I was hooked up to the machines all night and Lorcan kept moving, so every hour the nurse came in to fix the baby monitor. I didn't sleep a wink that night.

The next morning (Wednesday), they had the doctor come in to talk to me. My blood pressure numbers hadn't gotten any lower, but they were around the same numbers that they'd been my whole pregnancy. They were worried something would happen to me or the baby, which I understand, but my levels weren't super high. Eventually, I agreed to be induced. I felt pressured into the decision. I hated the whole thing.

I had two days with no sleep. Thursday was the day I had Lorcan. I had spent 2 days in a labor bed, with minimal time to get up and walk around. I hated everything about my labor and delivery. Nothing happened the way I wanted it to. Lorcan had a tongue tie and they wouldn't do anything about it until he was 2 months, so I didn't even get to feed my baby the way I wanted, although I tried.

I felt no connection with Lorcan when I was pregnant. I didnt feel the bond everyone talks about or any sort of connection with him until about a month ago. To go 2 months without feeling anything towards your own baby is something I can't even begin to describe. The first time I felt an overwhelming need to have my baby with me was in the middle of church. It hit me like a truck.

PPD is not something to joke about. It causes your brain to think things that make me ashamed. It made me think and want to throw my baby one night. Now, I would never harm my baby. I would never do anything to hurt him, but that is an example of the thoughts that run through your head when your hormones are in control. There are times I don't want to be around my baby or hold him. There are times when all I want is to have him alone with me.

My husband makes jokes about the situation, but it isn't anything to laugh about. I have been struggling with a lot of guilt; over the times I don't want to hold him, over the way he was brought into the world, over the fact that I can't feed him the way I so desperately want to. I struggle with the fact that I have been spending a lot of time away from him. I hate that he gets run around all week.

If I wasn't as strong as I am and if I didn't have the support system that I do, this would consume me. I don't want pity from people. I don't want people to assume that I don't want to hold my baby. I love him more than I have ever loved anything, but I want people to be aware that this is a very real thing that mothers experience. It is extremely difficult to handle, so difficult that some women need medication to help them through it. I handle it and get through it with the help of my husband and my family. It's gotten easier to understand when I'm having what I call a bad day. I can tell when I need to have a break from Lorcan and when I need to spend time alone with him.

Having my first baby has not been what I imagined it would be like. It's gotten easier, but everyday is a struggle. I write this hoping to inform and teach people. I love my son with my whole heart. I love that he's here and I get to call him mine. This journey has not started the way I planned, but Lorcan, Scott, and I are making it unique and our own. We're riding this train called life and discovering our story along the way.