It has been about four years since I last had a blog post. I have missed having an outlet to just write.
In August 2023, we lost another baby. That puts the grand total to 4 angels in Heaven. This time was different, though, and that is all I'll say about it. I have had a very hard time with this loss. I've lost three babies before this, so why is this one hitting me as hard as it is? The timing would have been horrendous anyway (same age gap as Torin and Degs). With all of Deggy's medical needs and unknowns, it would have been the absolute worst timing. Especially given that we were in the PICU in Iowa City back in January. This baby would have been born in April. Getting through that month and knowing that I should have had a newborn was so hard. We know we are not done having babies, but there are so many things that have to happen first before we start that journey again. Regardless, it is so hard to watch others being pregnant, having babies, and loving on their newborns when that opportunity was taken away from me yet again.
Our family is constantly on the go. Our children are involved in lots of activities. I am also involved in my own activities. I recently got re-involved in theater. I am just starting my third show of the year. I absolutely love theater and I love acting. I am so fortunate that I have a husband and family who support my interests. The boys have both been involved in dance, soccer, and now baseball. Watching them grow has been so amazing. Deggy is not quite old enough to get into sports, but will join his brothers with dance in the fall.
The two older boys will be switching schools this coming fall. Loki will be entering 1st grade and Torin will be starting preschool. How have my babies gotten this big?? It feels like just yesterday they were tiny babies. Even Deggy, who is 2, is growing way too much!
In the past year or so, I have rediscovered my love of reading. I run two virtual book clubs and have a book reading goal for the year. This year, my goal is 55 books. So far, I have read 29 books. I foresee my goal having to be upped! I have also discovered the Libby app, which works with my library card. Through this app, I can borrow audio books from the library. This has been a great way for me to double how many books I read. I am able to listen to books in the car, while the boys listen to the radio. I have especially loved listening to the Bridgerton book series this way!
Deggy's medical journey is far from over. We are getting closer to answers, but it is still an uphill battle. Just for some reference here are some of his medical stats:
- 5-6 double ear infections (that we know of)
- 4 times with bi-lateral pneumonia (not including the other respiratory infections he's had)
- 3 hospitalizations (one in the PICU)
- 2 specialists (Pulmonologist and ENT)
- Double digits for ER visits
We have no idea what it will look for him this summer. Is the air quality going to be bad again? What will the fall and winter look like when the sick germs start? Will we end up in the hospital again? And how many times? I hate the unknown. Right now, my life is full of unknowns. Like when we will finally be able to purchase a house. What will this next year look like for me?
This life is a ride. Things are constantly changing for us. I am forever thankful for the family and friends that God has blessed me with.
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