The First Months of Marriage

When my husband and I were preparing for our marriage with premarital counseling, we discussed many subjects. Some of those had to do with who would do the chores around the house, who would handle the finances, and etc. It was clear what my expectations were. He already knew my thoughts on the "traditional" wife's responsibilities.

I am not the "traditional" wife and I never will be. I hate to cook, I don't know how to bake, and I have no interest in staying at home to take care of the house and children. It was made clear to my husband before we were married that I wouldn't be cleaning the whole house by myself everyday and he would not have dinner cooked and ready for him when he came home. I would, however, split the cooking and cleaning chores with him. The best part was that he loved to cook and do the outside work (things that I hate doing).

It was a bit of an adjustment when we started life as a new married couple. Sharing a bank account was scary and caused me to be anxious. I was used to having full control of my money. We had already agreed that I would take care of paying bills and handling the money, since I am good with finances. I did have to learn how to not micromanage every bit of my husband's spending, but at the same time, voice my opinions and thoughts about how we were spending our money.

I also had to get used to being alone on the weekends. I do not work on Saturday and Sunday's and my husband usually does. I have a whole two days of mostly being by myself, aside from the dog. When I don't feel like going anywhere, I stay at home. My one thing that I can do to make myself feel productive is to clean the house and take the dog out in the yard to play. Basically, I felt like I spent my time off cleaning the house every week and my husband spent his days off playing video games and hanging out with his friends. I started to feel like the typical 50's housewife that keeps the house clean for her man and is the responsible one while the husband gets to enjoy the house without the work and gets to do what he wants.

It wasn't my husband's intention for it to feel this way, but he didn't do any housework on his own without me writing a list or telling him. It took me voicing my thoughts and opinions (something I'm not very good at) for him to get it. I didn't realize that doing chores wasn't the first thing that entered his mind when he has time off. Communication has been something that I've had to get used to. This doesn't mean I never talked to a person when something was off or wrong, but I was never good at letting people hear my full voice. I would hide inside myself and shut down if someone made me mad or angry. In fact, it's something I'm still working at and continue to struggle with, but it has become easier with my husband's help.

When we start having children I don't want to stay at home. I have no interest in being the wife who spends every waking minute cleaning up after children and keeping the house in perfect order. To be clear, I love children and my children will be my pride and joy, but I also love working and making my contribution to the family. I  am used to working multiple jobs and keeping busy. I don't think I could ever give up having a job or a career. I want to be able to have my own career that I am proud of and that my children and husband can be proud of. One of the reasons I want to be a school counselor is so that I can work the same hours that my children will be in school and so I can spend my summers devoting all my attention to my children. My mother has been a teacher my whole life and her job in the school always seemed to work well with the schedules of my sisters and I.

While I may be independent and stubborn, my husband and I have learned how to live life together, at least for now. We've been married for almost 4 months and our marriage couldn't be any better. I look forward to the blessings that we will continue to receive and the adventures that life takes us on. Our marriage is only going to grow stronger and our lives are only going to get better.